Travel Soccer

Maura tried out for travel soccer this  year.  She made the A team.  She was pretty proud of her self, but was a little sad that her two best friends did not make the team.  She has done great though.  She is playing with a nice group of girls and loves them all.  She had a rough outdoor season, losing almost all her games, they only played two teams over and over again.  The one time they played a different team, they won.  They did improve a lot through the season and definitely narrowed the scoring gap each game.  She kept her spirits high and still tried hard each game.  Her footwork really improved and she was a great defender.  This winter indoor season they seem to be playing younger girls each week, and crushing each team, like they play down a player and still win 15-0.  I thought losing all the time was bad, but winning by this much   each week is not that fun either.  Hopefully next year we will figure out the right place to play.  And hopefully we will still play with this great group of girls.

Gymnastics

LLast year when Mags got sick she stopped gymnastics.  Really, she couldn't even walk, let alone do gymnastics!  She said she was not going to go back.  I think she was just scared she would not be able to do it anymore.  After much thought and time, she decided to go back.  It was not easy.  She cried; I mean really cried, like yelled and screamed and threw fits, every time I would try to drive her (she did do a demo class she loved, but then changed her mind).  I have to say, I did not really blame her.  She knew no one.  At one point I even asked to get my money back, I mean it was that bad.

Well, it is the end of December and she is loving it.  She had a little Christmas party and show before Christmas.  I thought she might not want to go, but she did.  She was so excited and happy and running around with her friends.  She loved it.  She even gave her coaches their gifts, which is not like her.  She does not like to draw any attention to herself ever.  We were more proud of her for that than her performance on the mat.

Christmas 2013 recap

I can honestly say I loved every minute.  Well, except those minutes when I thought my head might explode, literally, after a trip to NYC to American Girl Cafe... so fun!  For Kerri's birthday.  The trip up was interesting when we got on Amtrak with NJ transit tickets!  The conductor let us stay.  Walking around was fun, minus the whine.  And Kerri loved picking out her doll.  Lunch was delicious.  Although, at that point anything would have been delicious, we were so hungry.  The ride back the train broke down on the trucks, underground, in the tunnel.  You see, I worry about running out of air a lot on public transportation, not sure why, just do.  A man started yelling about trains hitting us from behind and bombs and such, we're all thinking it dude, just know to keep it to ourselves!  I had to give him a few pieces of my mind.

We eventually, after a lot of chaos and riding between train cars, made it home.  My head felt ready to explode, but it is a great, and funny, memory.

We had lots of fun with Arlington cousins.  Fun gift exchange.  I feel like girls are getting less "jink" which helps my piece of mind.  We trained (surprised girls would get back on a train) into Philly for light shows and lunch at Reading Street terminal.  Had a fun Christmas Eve Eve at the Gallaghers.  Got home after midnight, which made the girls year.

Christmas Eve we continued the tradition of meeting with the Smiths.  We went to their house for lunch then to church.  A quiet night home with girls in bed by 7:30 (their own doing... thank you Santa tracker).  Christmas morning was great.  Maura got the hamster she wanted, Maggie got horizontal bars.  Bridget asked what her "big surprise gift" was so we said a trip to Florida.. that worked.  Kerri got a leap pad she loves.  Lots of presents from Santa too.  Visits from all the grandparents happened that day.  How cool is that?  And how lucky are these girls to have all their grandparents!?!?

We saw Frozen the next day, visited daddy at work, did a big clean up of basement...getting rid of "baby" toys.  This I am not sad about.

Ryan and Chris came over on Saturday with my parents for a visit.  Fun catching up with them.  Maggie already spent her Justice gift card plus some!

Looking forward to NYE at the SMiths tomorrow.  Sure am not ready for early monring wake up calls any time soon!

Chained to the wall

The girls and I met Mimi the other day to see a new Disney movie, Frozen  It was right near Sean's office, so afterward we stopped by to see him.  They love going through the circular door the most.  After meeting a few people along the way (and asking lots of questions), we got to daddy's office.  Maggie immediately go in daddy's spinning chair and started to pretend she was on the phone.  At one point she went to hand the phone to her sister.  As she handed it across the room, the cord did not quite reach.  Totally baffled, she said, I would give it to you, but Daddy has his phone chained to his desk.  I guess she has never seen a phone cord before!

Peace

We recently redid our family room.  I absolutely love it.  Today when I walked in the room, Sean said. "I love being in this room; it is just so cozy, isn't it?"

I think he was making fun of me, because I say that at least once a day.  And it is true.  I love being in it.  I love being in the room, in the house, cozy and comfy.

Today I was driving Maggie and Eva to the store to spend a gift certificate Chris gave her to Justice.  We were talking about our favorite stores.  Then Maggie said, "My favorite place is my house."  I smiled and agreed.  I mean, I love vacation.  I love the beach.  I love the mountains.  I love visiting places, but I really love being home.  Call me boring, a homebody, call me whatever, but I love it here. Tonight, as I type Sean is on the couch across from me.  All four girls are piled on chairs. Maggie, of course, is flipping around.  We are watching the Eagles.  Hopefully win to get into the playoffs.  Fire is going.  I just love it.  Even with Kerri whining in my ear, that she is hungry, there is no place I would rather be.

Fumble!  Everyone's cheering.  Life is good!

Happy Birthday Kerri Jean

So I know I am so far behind in this.  I never finished the story about Maggie in the hospital.  I tired, but it was just so emotionally draining... I'll get back there, I promise.  Then Maura turned 9 and Maggie turned 8 and school started, and soccer started, and gymnastics started.... oh so many things.  But if I tried to catch up, I could never do it.  So I am starting fresh, from now, today.

Kerri turned five today.  Holy Moly Guacamole... how in the world did this happen?  I am officially a mom.  I know I have four kids, but for some reason, I always just feel like I am playing house, or will some day be a grown up, just not yet.  Well, I am 38 and my youngest is 5.  I guess I need to face the facts, I am a grown up.  Life has been sending some curve balls lately and that is making me realize I really need to start to cherish the days, the nights, the moments.  We are so lucky to have great friends and family, I can't even express it.  I hope that my kids are growing up feeling loved and cared for by so many people.  I hope they are learning lessons on what it means to be a friend.  I hope some day they have friends that would literally drop everything to help you.

 But somehow I digress on this Thanksgiving weekend.  Kerri turned five.  And oh boy is she a great kid.  She is so funny.  Always has been.  She is smart too.  Like, I am not just saying that.  She is.  She spells all kinds of words, can remember such details, and even does some simple math.  And man can she draw.  She is a great little artist.  She spends hours in the classroom drawing, coloring, cutting, painting.  She loves it so much.  Her teachers constantly comment on her artwork.  She knows all her letter sounds and loves to ask you how to spell everything or ask, "what does this spell?"

She loves pickles.  Today for her birthday we gave her a huge jar of pickles.  She was thrilled.  She loves fruit too (not as much as pickles).  She is a great eater.  Loves her some meat.  Still eats a lot.  She wears tutus and leggings still.  She has a very unique and definite sense of style.  Please do not tell her what to wear.

She says her best friends are Kate Gallagher and Megan Moroz.  Her teacher says she is quite popular in class.  To the point where one mother had to call the school because her daughter was upset she did not get to sit next to Kerri.  She kind of knows it, but really does not care about it.

She loves being the baby still.  Likes to be help, carried up to bed, snuggled, and often uses baby talk.  She will still find play objects and pretend they are pacifiers, but not as much now.  Now she is looking for things to pretend they are cell phones.  She is great at gymnastics.  Does a mean cartwheel.  I promised her classes when she was five.  Guess I need to follow through!

I am loving being the parent of a 5, 6, 8 and 9 year old.  Life is good.  And I know life can be short.  So thank you Jesus, for all my blessings!

Perspective (part II)

So, after a few hours we were admitted to the PICU at Children's Hospital.  Wen we were wheeled up to our room, there were about twelve doctors waiting for us in our room.  They were all robed up, masked up and gloved up.  I was overwhelmed, thinking, wow, what a great hospital.  It was not until a few days into our stay in the PICU that I realized, this was, indeed not the norm.  Most kids are wheeled in to meet with the nurse, if that.  I am glad I did not know that at the time.  It would have scared me too much.

We had an MRI scheduled for 3:00, but it kept getting bumped back.  When she finally went down, it was just crazy.  They decided to put a breathing tube in, just in case.  My daughter was on a breathing tube.  This really did scare me.  To wheel her down to the MRI area, took a lot of work.  They had so many meds on her bed, just in case, they had a defibrillator.  They had so much stuff that this bed, which seemed so big at first, was packed with stuff.  We waited outside the MRI room for an hour, then got a call from Catherine that she was there with our stuff.  We walked upstairs.  She came up to our room with us.  That is when the doctor walked in and said she had good news.  Catherine went to leave the room.  I said to stay.  They told us she had PRES, and it was 100% reversible.  I think I breathed for the first time all day.  Then I cried.  Then I smiled.  Then I cried again.  They brought her up a while later and said they would monitor her for a while and treat her and let body recover then take the breathing tube out.  PRES, is pulmonary reversible endoslophy syndrome.  Usually caused by high blood pressure.  Often seen in chemo patients.  No one could figure out why Maggie had it, but went about treating it.   They were more concerned with treating it at the moment then determining how it got there.  That was hard for Sean and I to accept, but we understood it was more important to treat.

They decided to put in two IV lines directly to her veins (a central line directly to the heart).  One through her neck, one in her ankle.  This was a sterile procedure that went on right in the room, but sent Sean and I across the hall to the family room.   We just plopped down on the couch and stared forward.  A nurse came in and recognized me from teaching at HHS.  I knew I had been crying all day, and I looked a mess.  When I told her what room our daughter was in, she kind of gasped and said "oh, that room has been very busy tonight."  It had been.  Crazy stuff was going on in there.

The night doctor decided to take her off her breathing tube around 3:00am.  That was good news but I was afraid.  I was afraid that she would not be better.  The doctor assured me that when we took Maggie off the tube we would have our old Mags back.  She was wrong.  It took days for Maggie to move (other then swinging at the doctors every time they tried to touch her), longer for her to speak, sit up, eat, or do anything which I would consider normal.  Even in her coma-like state, she had spunk.  She pulled out her breathing tube twice.  Even under our careful watch.  She punched a nurse in the arm.  She kicked at, swung at, or glared at any medical professional that was near her.  She would nod her head at a doctor if they asked her is she wanted them to leave.  When she was finally allowed to try eating, she refused to eat anything they offered her.. she wanted a cookie or dumplings!  I kept trying to explain that she was normally such a fun, happy girl.

The nights were rough.  She would desat almost every night.  Her lungs became blocked.  We had to have respiratory therapist in around the clock.  She coughed constantly but was too weak to cough hard or sit up in order to get all the gunk out.  It was scary, and tiring, and hard.  It seemed the nights were the hardest.  She would basically sleep all day, but at night, she would struggle so hard with breathing that we would be up all night watching the monitors or performing chest therapy.  One night her lungs were so blocked the doctor wanted to put the breathing tube back in.  I really did not want this.  at.  all.  I was determined to do anything we could to avoid this.  The doctor was skeptical.  We called in the attending who said she would give us the night to try to clear up her lungs.  Sean and I banged on her back and her chest every ten minutes for hours.  We would count backwards from ten like a rocket blast off and try to get Maggie to cough.  I remember making the biggest deal out of a good cough... kind of like what you would do the first time a toddler walks!  It really meant that much to us.  They had to suction down her nose into her lungs a few times.  I had to leave the room for this.  Sean was amazing and helped the nurses hold her down while they did this yucky thing to her.  Just hearing it from the hallway upset me.  It took a few days to figure out what caused Mag's breathing to go so bad so quick.  We began to wait out the rough times and let Maggie come through it again.  It was hard, but the nurse was right, she could do it herself, after about a half hour.  A half hour of alarms going off and her breathing rates slowing so much.  A long half hour.  A scary half hour.  Once her breathing was a little better, we could move on to other things.

We began speech, physical and occupational therapy around day 5 or 6.  That was very hard to watch.  She could not swallow, even water.  She could not sit up or hold her head up.  She was in so much pain even when she turned from side to side.  She screamed in pain.  She begged not to do it.  I really had no idea that a body could deteriorate that quickly.  I thought the therapists would come in and she would bounce right back.  She did not.  I realized that the first few days I was just worried if she would survive or not.  I was scared all the time.  all. the. time.  I did not cry; I just acted.  Sean and I got things done.  We made decisions together.  We worked very well together in the hospital.  We supported each others' decisions.  We compromised.  We did what we felt was best for Maggie.  It was not until Maggie was awake and we began therapy and we talked to the doctor about her recovery that I really felt sad.

One night Sean and I were eating dinner in the family room across the hall, while Maggie slept.  It was around 11:00pm.  The doctor came in and sat with us for about 45 minutes.  He was great.  We talked about Maggie, but also about his family, his kids, schooling, insurance.  It was the first "adult" conversation we had in a while.  But when he left, I called my friend Tory and cried, for really the first time since the first day.  He gave us what he thought was the timeline to Maggie's recovery.  Two more weeks in the hospital, then a month or so at rehab.  Rehab?  This was the first mention of that.  Why would she need that much rehab?  Why would she need any rehab?  Sean was saying this is all good news, she is doing better, getter better...recovering.  This I understood, but now I stopped being scared, and changed to being sad.  I was sad for her.  For us.  For the situation.

After nine rough days in the ICU, we moved up to neurology floor.  It was an adjustment.  No 24 hours supervision.  No one to one nursing care.  No monitors, no beeping, no breathing treatments... all good things to not have, but hard to come down from all that action.  After being in the room for a while, a doctor finally came in to introduce himself, so different than our introduction in the ICU.  I asked where all the monitors were.  He said the did not have them.  I said, how will we know if Maggie is breathing.  He said, "We'll say, Maggie, are you breathing?"  Yes, this was going to take a while to get used to!  We had watched monitors and had one on one nursing care for nine days.  We survived on very little sleep; we met with doctors and therapists regularly.  We literally woudl walk out our door and there would be a nurse sitting at the window looking into our room and ask if we needed anything.  On this floor if you walked in the hall, there was no one there.  I called a nurse on the call button once and it took over a half hour to get a reply.  I wanted to go back to ICU... how crazy is that.  Once, when Maggie was writhing in pain and we were waiting, for what seemed like ever, for medicine, Maggie even said, can we go back downstairs (to ICU... and trust me, she was pretty angry there!).

to be continued...

Perspective

So summer is almost here, really, just around the corner.  The littles will be done camp (school has been over for two weeks) Friday.  On that same day, Maggie and I fly to Orlando for a quick weekend trip to Disney World, and next Wednesday Beaumont is out.  Yes, summer is just about here.  YAY!

So, I look back and see it has been a while since my last update.  Nothing new there.  Except, a lot has happened in these last few months.  As a matter of fact, right after my last update in February, crazy things happened.   I can say though, that finally, things are getting back to normal.  Almost too normal if you ask me.

The last week of February Maggie got a sore throat.  She stayed home a day or two one week, but went back to school the following Monday.  She was fine again.  Then on Wednesday she started feeling sick again.  We were supposed to go away to the Smith's Pocono house with them and the Cioccas that weekend.  I was debating whether she could go or not.  She was pretty sick Wednesday and Thursday, but seemed to perk up Friday.  We did not go.  Thank goodness.  I took her to the Doctor on Saturday AM, as she was so lethargic and just generally miserable.  They checked her out, then sent us to the lab for some tests.  I had to carry her in to the DR's and around the hospital for lab work, as she was too weak to walk.  Sunday AM, she was still not moving, I mean really not moving, to the point where I put a pull up on her, because she literally could not walk to the bathroom.  She had not eaten in days.  She could not sit up, walk, barely even talk.  We took her to the ER.

They pumped her with a bag of fluids and said she had a virus, basically dismissed her (and me) and sent us home.  When we checked in they took her blood pressure.  It was 139/85.  I asked if it was high.  The check in lady said she was moving, not to worry about it.  (note: she was NOT moving.  In fact she was straddling my lap with her head on my shoulder, she was so weak).

Sean or I had been sleeping with her for days.  On Sunday night I slept on the couch with her.  She groaned and gritted her teeth all night.  She complained of a belly ache.  I rubbed her belly all night, but did not know what else to do.  On Monday morning I sent the other girls off to school.  Sean took them.  Kerri was home with me.  Maggie was saying her bum hurt.  I assumed she was constipated (she had not been to the bathroom in days).  She swore she did not have to go to the bathroom, but I insisted.   I put her in the tub upstairs.  I came down and got miralax.  When I came up, she was crying in pain.  I got her out and laid her on the floor.  I was giving her the miralax, and she started throwing up.  I quickly picked her up and put her in front of the toilet to throw up.  Her whole body was tensed up to the left side.  Her eyes were stuck looking up to the left side.  I was yelling at her to throw up in the toilet.  Not because I cared about the throw up, but because I wanted her to turn her head, just turn her head and show she could.  She could not.  She could also not stand up.  Her legs were in an awkward position and had absolutely no strength in them.  I carried her downstairs and called Sean, he had just left minutes ago to drop off girls at school.  I told him I think I needed to call ambulance, as he had just seen her, he said, I'll turn around, I'll be there in ten minutes.  But at the same time I was yelling at Maggie to say something, anything.  She could not.  I asked her if she heard me.  With her body in a crazy awkward position, with me holding her up, and her eyes stuck in her head looking up to the left, she just barely nodded her head yes.  I asked if she was in pain.  She nodded no.  I asked if she was scared, she nodded no.  Well, I sure was.  I hung up with Sean and dialed 911.

The police arrived first.  As Maggie was naked from the bath, I asked Kerri to get me clothes and underwear for her.  Kerri did.  I laid Maggie on the couch and was putting my finger in the air trying to get her to follow my fingers.  She could not.  She was still stuck in that position.  The police man was asking questions.  The ambulance arrived.  Sean followed them in.  They asked lots of questions.  I answered.  I called many numbers.  Jenn Smith answered and came and got Kerri.  It was truly amazing, she just took her out of Sean's hands and took her, no questions asked, just helping us out.  When we got in the ambulance, the EMT asked me if we were at Bryn Mawr the day before.  I said yes.  He asked, did I want to go there again.  I said, should I?  he just looked at me.  I said, should I go to CHOP.  He said, I think that is a great idea.  Let's go to CHOP.  I knew that if he thought we should go to CHOP, it was bad, real bad.

On the way there, I called friends, to get coverage for my other daughters.  Sue called, and asked how Mags was (she had been concerned all week).  Apparently ( I don't remember) I said, we are in the ambulance.  She said what's wrong, and all I said was, she is not responding. Call Sean.  and I hung up.  Sean did not really know what was going on, as he came in on the tail end of things.  Sue sent out an email to her friends for prayers.

The ambulance ride was hard.  I felt so helpless.  I wanted so badly to be doing something, but there was nothing I could do.  The EMT was great.  He kept saying it was probably some crazy virus and she just needed some fluids.  She had another seizure on the way to the hospital.  It was horrible to watch.  When we arrived, the staff quickly went into action.  They treated her for spinal meningitis.  The gave her high doses of antibiotics for various infections.   Which she then had a reaction to.  We now know she has Redman's syndrome.  Which is a reaction to a large dose of vancomicin.  We were then shuffled into a room for a CAT scan.  I just remember holding Sean's hand and saying over and over again, please God, don't let it be a brain tumor, please, don't let her die.  It was honestly the scariest 2 minutes of my life.  When the initial results were read, they said it looked okay.  They were now focusing on a virus or meningitis.  But then the radiologist read the report.  He thought it looked like she had suffered a stroke.  At that moment stroke protocol went into practice.  For some reason, this scared me to death.

I remember calling Catherine.  Asking for names of neurologists.  I remember calling my dad.  Asking if he was busy this afternoon.  If not, would he mind coming over to watch the girls.  He said sure, why?  I said we were in the ER with Maggie.  He asked what they were saying.  When I tried to tell him about the stroke, I lost it.  I could not speak.  I quickly pulled myself together and told him.  I just could not believe my little girl was going through all this.

to be continued...

Curious Questions

As B and I were lying in bed the other day, she asked me if I was going to break up with daddy.  (I think it is too much teeny bopper tv... not Sean and My behavior.. I hope).  I said I was not planning to.  She then asked if Daddy was going to break up with me.  I said not that I know of.  If you do break up, B asks, who will I live with?  I told her I guess she would decide.  She thought for a minute and said "Gee, that would be hard, because sometimes, like now, you are being really nice to me, and other times, Daddy is nicer to me.  Can we just not break up and live all together?"  That's the plan B.

I realize in retrospect I probably should have said something wise and reassuring to her, like, Daddy and I love each other very much and would never break up.  But I didn't.

My Time

Maura and I recently went to the funeral mass of her friend Sophia's grandfather.  On the way home Maura says, "You know mom, going to that mass today made me think about what is going to happen when my time comes."   It did the same for me.  Who knew I was on the same wave length of an 8 year old.

Yes, we are still here.

When I take so long in between posts, it sometimes seems overwhelming to try to catch up with all that I missed, so I just need to jump right back in...

Here it goes.

Christmas shows went great.  Kerri was a master of all her motions and had no problem being up in front of the class.  B actually sang her songs... not loud, but I did manage to hear a word or two.

Kerri just loves going to school every day.  She loves her friends and can tell me what each child in her class did that day, probably what they wore too.  Right now Kerri wears a tutu pretty much every day.  Various outfits, tights, pants, leggings, jeans, go under it, but a tutu is still on top.

B is still weary of school.  Most days she goes reluctantly, some days willingly and somedays, only with a bribe.  It is getting a little old for this mama, but this too shall pass.

Our Christmas may have been the best one yet (will I say that every year from now on?).  The girls were fully excited.  Everyone believes.  And we can still hold the "I will tell Santa..." threat over them. Sometimes it even works.

We had a special treat this year.  Sean's parents rented a 15 passenger van and took the whole family to NYC to see the Rockettes on the 26th.  Every seat was full, and it was great.  We had fun at FAO Schwartz.  Surprisingly no one aksed for anything at FAO.  I was prepared for some tears, but we were spared.  We went to Rockefeller Center, lunch, walked around a bit, saw the show (perfect for all ages in our group) then headed to the Starlite Diner for an early dinner.  Girls were fascinated by the singers.  We had great seats and were able to unwind before our long drive home.

We did lots of hosting over the break.  In fact I think we had people for dinner 6 out of 8 nights.  Very fun though, and very relaxed.  Dave and Colleen (and the twins in utero) were here for a while.  It was nice to see them and the girls loved it.  We saw our cousins.  New Years was spent at the LeComte's House, an impromptu party because the Stagnaros got sick last minute.  Loads of fun.  All the girls, except B, stayed up past midnight!  B came up to me at 11:30 and said she just could not stay awake another minute.  She then quickly fell asleep on my lap.  We had planned to leave around 9:00, but I should have known better.  We always have fun with this group of friends, and this night was no different.

Back to school was welcomed, but I will be honest, I enjoyed the sleeping in and, not so lazy, but less scheduled days.

We had a shotgun babyshower for Colleen.  It was a great time.  So nice to see all her friends and celebrate a very special person.  I am so excited to see Colleen and Dave be parents.  I still look at Colleen as the little sister I never had (but always wanted).  Can't wait to see her in this new role.

2013 has been great so far.  Sean and I took a little weekend trip... to Pittsburgh.  I tagged along on a business trip.  Maura made her first penance.  B registered for kindergarten... again.  I got a job (at Trinity, teaching a nature explorers class).  All is good and getting better by the minute (to loosely quote my father in law).  Looking forward to the Trinity Auction coming up and a trip to Disney and Naples! Very fun.

So there it is.  My first attempt to catch up.